Closing the Character Gap
By Brad Engel
Closing the Character Gap
What is the Character Gap?
The Character Gap occurs when there is a lack of respect and or a lack of integrity anywhere in our society. At the high school level our goal should be to have all members of the school community respect all other members of the school community and foster an atmosphere of integrity and dignity, and anytime there is disrespect or a lack of integrity in any relationship, the character gap increases….
How to Close the Character Gap
Closing the Character Gap begins with the understanding that every moment of your day presents a unique opportunity to make choices about your behavior. In the final analysis how you treat people will be remembered more than any accomplishment or recognition you receive. You can be honest or dishonest, respectful of disrespectful, kind or unkind. It is up to you.
What has society established as the criteria for achievement and excellence in our culture? We have established criteria for beauty and physical appearance but what about leadership and character?
Our society tends to value surface appearance over character. There’s no operation to improve character as there is with plastic surgery. Appearance can be changed with plastic surgery to become what you believe society wants you to be.
If our culture has placed a premium on appearance, why haven’t we placed demands on character as well? This is an interesting question and one that is not easily answered. You can have surgery to change your looks, but I don't know of an operation that can improve your character.
Closing the Character Gap begins with demanding excellence from you, and being a person of character and honor, requires a daily vigil. You must always be aware of this as you live your life and fulfill your goals. You should always be a person of excellence, maintaining your honor and dignity every day. That's part of being a leader. We’re not looking for perfection; we’re striving for excellence.
Closing the Character Gap within you will lead to a great life. You can provide someone with all the money in the world, but you can't provide them with a record of excellence that only comes with living a life of character and honor. Character is priceless. Character is also fragile.
Your character is who you are. Excellence begins with integrity and words, and it's not about looking good or looking the part, it's about your actions. Others might be drawn to you because of your physical appearance but they will turn away from you if you do not have character. It's a puzzle that you must put together. It's a road map for success.
Closing the Character Gap begins with integrity. These are crucial aspects of leadership.
Character costs you nothing and no matter where you go your character will go with you.
It doesn’t matter how you dress. It doesn’t matter how you wear your hair. It doesn’t matter who your friends are. It doesn't matter where you came from; and most importantly, it does not matter what you look like.
What really matters is your character. If you are an honest person, you will lead more than you ever realize.
Why not start right now?
Closing the Character Gap demands that you pursue excellence from yourself.
Character as a quality should always be listed first, and many high school students don’t get that. People tend to value physical appearance over character, but you can't have surgery to improve your character as you can with plastic surgery.
Plastic surgery can change your looks physically. You can become what you think society wants. Society has placed demands on people's looks and appearance, but why hasn't society placed them on character as well?
This is an interesting question and one that is not easily answered. You can have the surgery to change your looks, but I don't know of an operation that can change your character. Money can buy you plastic surgery, but character costs nothing and is priceless.
Character is also very fragile. Your character is who you are and maybe it's the only thing that you can hold onto that is really yours that no one can take away from you.
The connection between character and communication is very simple. People want to believe that when you say something you're going to do something.
I think it's an interesting phenomenon in our society that people are no longer responsible for what they say are going to do. I have witnessed numerous times, first-hand, the number of people who will plan projects and even start projects and never complete them. Most of the time, they give up, or they lose interest.
Any project involving school reform is going to be a difficult undertaking, and anyone who wants to make a difference in their school may be fighting an uphill battle at the outset. All challenges presented before us in life will require overcoming some obstacles. Once you make the decision to become a leader you are going to have to be prepared to sacrifice your time and devote your energy to completing the project.
Leadership is an opportunity, an honor, and a privilege. Leadership is not about power. Leadership is not about being loud. Leadership is not about control. Leadership is about making a difference in the lives of other people and being a person of moral significance,
who changes for the better lives of those around him or her. This is what is significant, and what is sustaining.
So what does excellence of effort look like? What does it mean to be an excellent student? What does it mean to be an excellent student leader? When you’re called upon to be a leader among your peers, what are they looking for in a leader?
How can you produce an excellence of effort that others will want to follow? It is not enough to be prepared. It is not enough to have a great attitude. It's not enough merely to have goals because you have to see your project through. You must have to have excellence and character and honor.
The distinction lies in our actions. It is how we treat others that determine whether or not you close the character gap. It has nothing to do with our status or our standing in the community or the amount of media coverage we receive or don’t receive.
The success of Closing the Character Gap lies in our actions. It is how we treat others that we can measure our progress.
It is simply a reminder to all of us that we when we follow the Golden Rule and treat each other with kindness and dignity that we are living a quality existence that separates us from so many others. This becomes the distinction between the great and the small.
When we reach out to others and display kindness and generosity, we are Closing the Character gap. It’s the simple acts and gestures that no one needs to see that become the milestones of Closing the Character Gap.
Closing the Character Gap is based on these principles. Again they are not new. These ideas have their traditions in the Bible and earlier philosophies. The ordinary person becomes an extraordinary life force through their kindness while many remain ordinary through their selfishness and pre-occupation with themselves. We all make thousands of decisions everyday regarding our actions, and we alone control how we treat people.
It is impossible to reverse any action you take. You might correct it but every action has a final consequence. It’s like buying a CD at the electronics store. Once you have made your selection and opened the package, you can’t return it. We may struggle with negativity, but kindness and dignity always should be our goal. Constantly remind yourself of what I think is the true mission of every person here…kindness…
Your actions are part of you and become your biography and your resume, so be careful. In the final analysis, people will remember how you treated them more than anything else you did.
Closing the Character Gap -With-Opportunity Leadership
The opportunities and possibilities are everywhere…..Where are they in your life?
1. How can you be a leader in your home and family?
Ex: helping out with the dishes, helping little sister with homework
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
2. How can you be a leader in 1st period leadership class?
Ex: Volunteering for projects and assignments
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
3. How can you be a leader during the rest of your classes?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
4. How can you be a leader among your friends?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
5. How and when can you practice self-leadership skills?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
Journal-
1. Have you made the decision to become a leader?
__________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
2. Is that a decision I make everyday?
________________________________________________________________
3. What can I do to be a leader today?
4. How can I expand my leadership potential?
_______________________________________________________________
A Cost /Benefit Analysis of Integrity
Cost: The expenditure of something, such as time or labor, necessary for the attainment of a goal:
Benefit: Something that promotes or enhances well-being; an advantage:
A. What are the benefits of having integrity?
1.__________________________________________________________
2.__________________________________________________________
3.__________________________________________________________
B. What are the costs of having integrity?
1.____________________________________________________________
2.____________________________________________________________
3.____________________________________________________________
A. What are the benefits of not having integrity?
1.____________________________________________________________
2.____________________________________________________________
3.____________________________________________________________
B. What are the costs of not having integrity?
1.__________________________________________________________
2.__________________________________________________________
3.__________________________________________________________
Researchers have discovered that when people focus on what they have and are instead of what they don’t have, they tend to have a more positive outlook on life…
“Be the change that you would like to see in the world”
Gandhi
Journal Question:
1. How does having a grateful attitude have an impact on your ability to lead and influence others?
______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
2. Do you like being around people with a positive attitude or a negative attitude? Why?
Writing a Personal Integrity Statement for Peer Leadership
(Example)
To become a person of integrity that my peers and my family can trust and depend on and to pride myself on finishing what I start and showing resilience and character everyday.
Now take the above integrity statement and reduce it to 16 words
Now take the above integrity statement and reduce it to 8 words
Now take the above integrity statement and reduce it to 4 words
Now take the above integrity statement and reduce it to two words
________________________________
“The easiest things to understand are sometimes the most difficult to do.”
A Lesson in Understanding
“I had a patient today who made me very sad,” the nurse said to her husband. “She is 39 years old, and has full blown AIDS. She is going to die very soon.”
“That is sad”, he said not realizing the invisible classroom walls were now up.
“But that is not what is sad”, she said, a little bit frustrated that he had empathized so quickly “She has scars all over her body because when she was a little girl her mother used to punish her by holding her in scalding hot water in the bathtub. The scars are still visible after all these years. And there are other scars that are invisible.”
“How do you know what happened?” he asked.
“Oh… she told me her whole story,” the nurse continued, “When she was 14, she ran away from home, became a prostitute and then a heroin addict, and with that lifestyle is how she contracted HIV.”
“How long has she been in the hospital?” he wanted to know.
“About three weeks,” replied the nurse. She is a patient in a nursing home.” She will probably leave in a week or two once she gets a little better.”
‘Why didn’t you tell me about her sooner?” he inquired. “That is one of the saddest stories I have ever heard.”
“Well it just hit me today that what I have just told you is not the saddest part of the story not even by a long shot. She is a very sweet person a very gentle girl with a wonderful personality and she never complains and is even timid about asking for her pain medicine. She will suffer in her bed instead of complaining.”
She continued, “The most tragic part of this whole story is that for the whole three weeks she has been in the hospital she has not had a single visitor…No one. She says she never gets any visitors at the nursing home either… She knows now that she is going to die alone….Its not the dying that scares her it’s being alone when she dies that she is really afraid of.”
The nurse wiped a tear from her eye...That was a sign that the story was over.
Character and Life Preparation-Knowledge is the Key to Preparation
1. Know the people around you…know their names and find out some of their accomplishments and preferences.
2. Read-Read-Read- Readers are Leaders and Leaders are Readers
3. 5. Find someone who is where you want to be and ask them how they got there or read their biography if they have one.
Journal
What is one small change that you can make right now that will make today better either for you or another person or both?
Journal
“Give people more than they expected.”
Can you think of a situation that will occur this week for which you can give the person more than they are expecting? How do you think they will react?
Opportunity Leadership
The opportunities and possibilities are everywhere…..Where are they in your life?
1. How can you be a leader in your home and family?
Ex: helping out with the dishes, helping little sister with homework
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
2. How can you be a leader in your neighborhood?
Ex: Volunteering for projects and clean-up committees
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
3. How can you be a leader during your classes?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
4. How can you be a leader among your friends?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
5. How and when can you practice self-leadership skills?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
Rejection-The Opposite of Respect
1. What are some the ways people can be rejected? (Ex: by others, in relationships, at work, at school)
2. Have you ever been rejected by a person, group or organization? How did it feel to be rejected?
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
3. Have you ever rejected anyone? How did it feel?
__________________________________________________________________
4. How do you feel about the following statement, “Rejection only hurts if we allow it to?”
__________________________________________________________________
5. Argue for or against the statement: “If you never quit you’ll never fail. You may lose but you’ll never fail.
__________________________________________________________________
6. Explain the difference between respect and rejection
__________________________________________________________________
Journal
1. Are you usually part of the problem or a solution? Are you seen as someone who is a problem or do your see yourself as some one who makes things better?
____________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2. Give one example either from home or school which supports your answer
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Journal
1. Do you think that whether or not you have a positive attitude is a choice? Do you choose your attitude? What kind of attitude have you chosen today and why?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
2. The saying goes, it’s not what happens to you it is what you do when it happens”. Describe how you made a bad situation rather worse or better by how you responded to it. Think of the word responsible (Are you able to respond?)
__________________________________________________________________
Respect and Good Manners
Having good manners is a great way to Close the Character Gap.
Good manners is about being thoughtful.
When you see someone with lots of packages about to come to a closed door, isn't holding the door for this person common sense? When you get a seat on a bus that is crowed and an elderly person didn't get a seat, isn't giving your seat to that person a nice gesture?
Activity #1: Make a list of several things you can do for your family. What could you do that would really make someone happy? Maybe it could be something as simple as helping bring in the groceries, helping your brother with his homework, and calling up your grandmother to talk. Decide what you'll do to show thoughtfulness
__________________________________________________________________
Activity #2: Think of everything your parents do for you. Have you told your parents lately how much you appreciate them?
_________________________________________________________________
Why not do it today?
Have you thanked your parents and your brothers and sisters for anything recently?
__________________________________________________________________
Why not do it today?
Activity #3: Did you send thank you notes for a present you received this year or for something nice somebody did for you.
_______________________________________________________________
How about doing it today?
You’ll be glad you did.
Conclusion:
If we look at all the technological inventions and breakthroughs over the past 100 years I wonder if any of them were designed to make us better people. What was the purpose behind all these inventions?
We've created a world where we can go faster,
Where we can see things quicker,
We can get information in an instant and even defy gravity.
Over the last 100 years we have improved our ability to travel and talk and communicate. We live longer, feel less pain and we're more entertained,
But what have we done to Close the Character Gap?
We boast of our technological advancements and we rush out and by the latest cell phone or a hand held device but our greatest oversight might be in the development of character.
These revelations aren’t glamorous and won’t sell millions of books but I think our society has taken a turn for the worse regarding how we treat each other, and more importantly the way that we treat ourselves.
Closing the Character Gap is about essentially making those around you better people and when we talk about character we’re talking about respecting all people, not just “important people”, everybody.
To do something for someone who could never repay you is a distinct act of character.
To bring dignity to another person is the greatest gift you can give them.